Posted by: LucidMystery | November 7, 2008

Paying too Much for Car Insurance…

Anybody remember those old Geico commercials before they added that cute little Aussie gekkonidae? It would be a cartoon guy doing something like pushing a button that released a spring that triggered the catapult that smashed him with a rock…or something…and the narrator would say “We all do dumb things”–punch line action, like the smashing rock– “Paying too much for car insurance doesn’t have to be one of them.” Yeah, remember those? Ok, well, for some reason, those commercials along with real life dumb things were circulating in my head today, partially because I accidentally pulled out in front of a cop and spent the next two block sweating profusely while watching him in my rearview to make sure he didn’t turn around and give me a ticket. Whenever I do one dumb thing, it’s like all the rest of my dumb deeds and embarrassing encounters come back to haunt me, and I’m stuck in a moment and I can’t get out of it…like U2.

I figured, if I’m gonna be stuck mulling over past failures, why not share them! Misery loves company, and some of them are amusing, so I can pretend you are laughing with me, not at me ūüėČ

  • Number 1 on my dumb list was my epic flooding in the turtle lab. And we’re talking Noah’s ark proportions here. Seriously, a styrofoam box was floating across the lab. And Dr. Lehman’s office next door got a couple inches of water too. Oh you think I’m kidding? No, his office had standing water that was almost as bad as¬†my own¬†lab, which was maybe an extra half inch more submerged. How did I do that? Simple answer: I turned on a hose and forgot about it. Doke. I was refilling one of the 500 gallon turtle tanks (which takes about half an hour to do), and I left the room while it filled. Problem, I forgot to go back. Next thing I know, water is streaming out from under the lab door, and when I ran into the lab, I was so shocked to see objects floating across the floor that I almost forgot to turn off the water as I ran sobbing to find the closest professor. But I guess all’s well that ends well…ish.
  • My second dumbest thing was when I did that all over again. That flooding wasn’t technically as bad since it was caused by a hose that I didn’t know was leaking even when it was off. The problem was, that leaky hose sat on the floor next to the wall to Dr. Lehman’s office over the weekend and PRESTO! Instant moldy carpet. I believe he had to cancel his classes for the remainder of the week to get all that sorted out.
  • Real dumb deal: not crying when I got caught driving 69 miles an hour in a 55 zone. A few tears might have gotten me out of 2 points on¬†my license and a ticket for $95. But on the other hand, I hate it when girls are manipulative to cops like that, and I wouldn’t want to stoop to their level. I also learned not to fully immerse myself in the beauty of Josh Groban’s voice while driving in hilly back country roads.
  • While we are on the subject of music…I used to wear a bucket hat that had seriously bright¬†rainbowy airbrush paint job…and it¬†also bore the names of¬†the five members of Nsync.
  • My first day of work for the summer a few years ago, I broke a key in a lock. This successfully blocked access to the cleaning closet in addition to leaving us temporarily¬†keyless. Those crushed Goldfish crackers in the carpet didn’t really need to be vacuumed up.
  • Fall quarter of senior year, I was walking out of Towers when I saw…him…a superlatively hott (two T’s hot) guy walking towards the mail room. I was so stunned by his attractiveness that I walked into the doorframe instead through the doorway. Better yet, though, since I walked into the doorframe at an angle, I ricocheted off that side of the door into the other and tripped onto the top step. Smooth. Real smooth.
  • When I was 14, I got a perm, with my bangs, and I made sure my bangs got permed too. Ouch.
  • I accidentally set an oven mit on fire. I believe I was 17-ish and I was trying to bake something, but it was being baked on the¬†lowest rack in the oven. Apparently, if anything touches those bright red coils at the bottom, it will catch on fire. Well, I didn’t know that at the time, and I figured my hand was protected, so I didn’t need to be that careful down there. WRONG. Next thing I know, my mit is ablaze and I threw it in the closest liquid I could find–a pot of soup. But don’t worry, I sustained no injuries, and we must have had dinner that night, or I would have remembered otherwise.
  • Oohh the baby book crush story: It actually isn’t that big of a deal to any outsider, but you know those flashbulb memory things you learn about in psych classes? Yeah it’s one of those. I was 11 or 12¬†and tried to pass a basket ball to this kid whom I had a ridonkulus crush on at the time, but I believe we have discussed Maria’s athletic skills before…ie, she has none. I¬†threw the ball to him before he had time to¬†even think about catching it,¬†which ultimately resulted¬†in¬†him receiving a good few minutes¬†to wonder whether or not he would be able to have kids. I can still see it all…in blazing clarity and dramatic slow motion. You know, it’s the only time in my life that I was crying from embarrassment, but still laughing¬†(c’mon now,¬†it was funny) but simultaneously trying not to pee my pants cuz I was crying/laughing so hard. That’s a complex series of emotions right there.
  • Another dumb move was locking myself out of my dorm after a shower. Running around the building in a towel while looking for an RA isn’t the most fun thing ever. But neither was locking myself out of my apartment last weekend and getting the $35 “locked out fee” bill today…grrrrr.
  • I once paid $2.78 for gas when it was $2.69 across the street.

Well, that’s all I have that can be shown publicly (fifth amendment afterall ūüėČ ) But if you ever get the hankering to hear some real stupidity, talk to me in person. Categories include but are not limited to: the Atlantic Ocean/near death experiences, the Atlantic Ocean/jelly fish/way too close encounters, the Atlantic Ocean/whaaaaatt?, and Tampax.

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